The botanica owner who said 'not this one, mija'

Went into a botanica last week for candles and picked up a beaded necklace I thought was beautiful. The owner, a woman in her seventies, gently took it out of my hand. 'Not this one, mija. This one you receive, you don't buy.' Then she walked me over to the saint candles and the herbs and showed me what was there for anyone.

I could have felt embarrassed. Instead I felt taught.

Eclectic doesn't mean everything is mine. Some practices are open, some are closed, and plenty sit in between, held by communities who get to decide. My job is to ask, listen, and admire from the doorway when the answer is no.

I've also started asking my dad's sisters about the old Igbo stories. Some aunties laugh, some change the subject. One sent me a voice note that is forty minutes long. I'm on minute twelve.